funerals are for the ones who are not dead
my heads hurt
https://ngl.link/lily38747
میں ہوں دردِ عشق سے جاں بلب
مجھے زندگی کی دعا نہ دے
I live as a sign of rebellion — against everything which demands me to be dead.
Why are you
None of them did what I do to myself
“I can’t drive.”
I inwardly groan and get up from the bed. I
walk to her, tipping her chin up so she stops looking at her phone. Fuck. She’s gorgeous. I’ve never once thought any differently. “I taught you how to drive, remember?”
She knocks my hand away and tosses her phone aside. “Why? Why do you want to spend time with me?”
I shrug, knowing I’ve won. “Because you’re hiding, and I want to hide with you.” I caress her cheek and press my lips to her forehead, catching her off guard. “Let’s hide together, Freckles.”
🖤
We’re a perfect fit – two puzzle pieces with tattered edges.
Her green eyes stare into my soul, the soul I would rip apart for her.
I suck in a breath, holding it in my lungs as he lowers his forehead to mine.
“I want you, but I can’t have you,” he says. “You deserve way better than me. If you knew half the shit I’ve had to do, you wouldn’t be in this tight space with me now.”
“What have you done?”
Kade sighs, slightly pulling away. “The company I work for has their claws in me – that’s all you need to know.”
“What do you need to do for them?”
“Mani pārdod seksam un nāvei, lai aizsargātu visus, kurus mīlu.”
Kade leans into me more, raising his other hand between us to tuck another strand of hair behind my ear. I tilt my head, utterly confused by whatever language he’s speaking.
He licks his lips. “Tajā skaitā jūs, vasaras raibumi.”
To be honest, I’m nervous as hell. I asked Kade’s mum if she could put me on the visitation list to see Tobias, and tomorrow morning, I’ll be sitting down with him – the psychopath I used to study religiously. Every article, every documentary, even the leaked interview with him from the day he was arrested – I poured over it all, fascinated by his mind and the way it worked; the way his eyes, devoid of anything, darkened whenever Aria Miller was mentioned.
I’m not nervous to see Tobias – I’m terrified.
"Go," he says quietly. "I don't want you to be here right now."
"Then why did you bring me back with you?" I ask, angry. "If you don't even want to see me-"
"Why don't you understand?" He looks up at me and his eyes are so full of pain and devastation it actually takes my breath away.
My hands are shaking. "Understand what?"
"I love you."
He breaks.
His voice. His back. His knees. His face.
He breaks.
He has to hold on to the side of his desk. He can't meet my eyes. "I love you," he says, his words harsh and soft all at once. "I love you and it isn't enough. I thought it would be enough and I was wrong. I thought I could fight for you and I was wrong. Because I can't. I can't even face you anymore-"
"Aaron-"
I have a passion for self destruction, and you always knew it.
Would that be a problem if I get a little blood here and there, on my hands, on my face
because I won't ever apologize for surviving
heart on the palm or heart in the fist
First time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.
The second time I meant To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut.
As a seashell.
They had to call and call And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.
Dying Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.
I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.
It's easy enough to do it in a cell.
It's easy enough to do it and stay put.
It's the theatrical.
-Sylvia Plath
I better stop for the sake of my own sanity
Like a Black hole. It always stays at the back of my head.
While giggling and making jokes
working and resting.
Sometimes failing to reach me because of the card walls I built, sometimes engulfing me, crumbling those walls.
“If you weren’t such a twisted snake, I’d tell you how hot you looked tonight.”
I roll my eyes even though I feel like my nerves are on fire as we walk towards the elevators. “Your insults are getting weak.”
“A little like yourself.”
I suck my teeth. “Call me weak again – I fucking dare you.”
“We don’t exactly have the best track record with dares. Do we, Freckles?”
I snap my head to him, halting my steps, and he nearly knocks into me.
“Don’t call me that. What happened to forgetting?”
“Forgetting what?” he teases, a glint in his eyes. He seems awfully cheery compared to how he was earlier.
“Stop talking to me. You’re annoying.”
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