A rich and mighty Persian once walked in his garden with one of his servants.
Orphans make the best suicide bombers. It is easy to motivate them because they are willing to do anything to belong.
Kashmir taught him that only a fool trusts anyone completely.
-Shaikh Ahmed Uzair Sufi
Money does not interest him. Power interests him. And people. Having the power to get people to set the world on fire for him.
He thinks about his life, and the choices he has made. He has never regretted coming to Kashmir. He found himself here. He found that he revels in the chaos of conflict. In fact, he thrives upon it. He has also discovered that it is not the call of God that motivates him to violence. He has found that he has a taste for it. Sitting the throats of those men in Shopian gave him an inner satisfaction. In a strange way, he even understands the violence that is being done to him. After all, if the roles were reversed, this is probably what he would do to them. It is this kind of reasoning that has kept him sane until now.
Everybody breaks under torture, and anyone who says anything different, like the sermonizers who go back to Pakistan with rousing tales of having resisted the Indian interrogators, is full of shit.
It's all propaganda, to get more enthusiastic, but dim-witted, volunteers for 'the struggle.' He has discovered that ninety percent of this war is fought for propaganda. The lalas try and convince people that Pakistani terrorists, backed and trained by the feared intelligence agencies, are invading the peaceful land of Kashmir to stir up trouble.
I have a theory about him. I don't believe he does whatever he does for religion. I mean, that's what he tells his followers, and the other jihadis. But he's not like them. They have either been misled, or they have their own twisted version of what is right and wrong. They are willing to give up their lives, but he isn't. He plays with the lives of others. He's a survivor. Life is like a chessboard to him. But he is the only one who sees the whole board, who understands perfectly why he does something and what the result will be. And he does what he does because he enjoys it.
~ The Spinner's Tale
"A man is not strong unless he has seen pain in his life. An he cannot serve God unless he has that inner strenth."
~The Spinner's Tale
If you don't have the courage to spill someone's blood, you cannot bring about any sort of revolution.
I sensed Christian spying on us from the window. His words came back to me. "Borderlines are so seductive." I looked into Alicia's eyes. They weren't seductive, they weren't even friendly. A fierce mind was behind those eyes, a sharp intelligence that was only just waking up. She was a force to be reckoned with, Alicia Berenson. I understood that now.
I was transfixed, staring at Medusa, turned to stone.
tiptoeing around the borderline
Trust, once lost, is hard to recover.
"We've talked about this before Haven't we?"
"About fireworks?"
"About love. About how we often mistake love for drama and dysfunction. But real love is very quiet, very still. It's boring, if seen from the perspective of high drama. Love is deep and calm and constant."
"Choosing a lover is a lot like choosing a therapist. We need to ask ourselves, is this someone who will be honest with me, listen to criticism, admit making mistakes, and not promise the impossible?"
"As I sit here with you, a picture keeps coming into my mind -an image of someone biting their fist, holding back a yell, swallowing a scream. I remember when I first started therapy, I found it very hard to cry. I feared I'd be carried away by the flood, overwhelmed. Perhaps that's what it feels like for you. That's why it's important to take your time to feel safe and trust that you won't be alone in this flood-that I'm treading water here with you."
~The Silent Patient
Her silence was like a mirror - reflecting yourself back at you.
And it was often an ugly sight.
Intimacy requires the repeated experience of being responded to.
But our ability to contain ourselves directly depends on our mother's ability to contain us. If she had never experienced containment by her own mother, how could she teach us what she did not know? Someone who has never learned to contain himself is plagued by anxious feelings for the rest of his life, feelings that Bion aptly titled *nameless dread* endlessly seeks this unquenchable containment from external sources- he needs a drink or a joint to "take the edge off" this endless anxiety.
📔: The Silent Patient
The psychoanalyst W. R. Bion came up with the term containment to describe a mother's ability to manage her baby's pain. Remember, babyhood is not a time of bliss; it's one of terror. As babies, we are trapped in a strange, alien world, unable to see properly, constantly surprised at our bodies, alarmed by hunger and wind and bowel movements, and overwhelmed by our feelings. We are quite literally under attack. We need our mother to soothe our distress and make sense of our experience. As she does so, we slowly learn how to manage our physical and emotional states on our own.
(Continued..)
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