Holla dmdm after so long...
You are a story written in the pages of my life,
You are a scent of all the flowers of my garden,
You are a sense of all the good things in times,
You are a feeling of all the love i could find.
You are a glimpse of all the happiness of my life,
You are a memory of the great past i always admired.
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On a lighter note :
Tou pyar hay kisi orr ka,
Tujay thartha koi orrr hay.
The blood that used to give me pain,
I made it colour to paint my face.
The words that used to curse me down,
I made them rhymes to dance in fire.
The darkness that used to haunt me down,
I made it a spirit to steer me void.
The hands that used to break me down,
I made them slaves to hold my wine.
The breaths that used to keep me alive,
I made them winds to sail ships around.
The thoughts that used to strike my mind,
I made them lines to share them down.
#HBH_WRITES
Guzartay wakt kay sath zindagi ki mithas khatam honay lagti hay or bs pir aisa lagta hay jaisay aik hi majbori hay apki or wo hay zinda rehna!Or kabi kbar mout bi azadi ki dihaye nhi daita or insan khud ko aik aisay shakanjay may pata hay kay na tou ussay mout ki khwahesh hoti hay or na zinda rehnay ki zarorat.Door ki aik rooshni aapko andhairay may aik umeed ki kiran tou daiti hay laikin aapko din charnay ka intezar hi nhi hota.Bht si chezain aapko mukamal honay ka ikhsas tou dilati hay par kabi kbar aap mukamal hokay bi mukamal nahi hopatain.Alfaz or awaz honay kay bawajooud bi aap bol nhi patain or aapki khamoshi bi dunya ko kahanian suna daiti hay.Kabi hosh kay bawajoud aap bhattak jaatain hain kabi dewangi aapko arsh pay poncha daiti h
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A person whom they have seen all their lives, who has protected, raised and fed them is laying in bed in front of them, whose body is still there but the person they knew wasnt there anymore. It has become a reality in last few minutes that the his journey in this world has finished. We moved out, into the doctor's office, the doctor in charge filled the chart and wrote about all the happenings, while being all silent. We sat for a while in a complete silence and then a nurse came in asking about the oxygen saturation of the patient whose tracheostomy was performed earlier this evening and so was the silence broken.
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And then as the Adrenaline effect went off the lead finally stopped getting any signals. Everything paused for a while, everyone was looking at the monitors, hoping it will give something, some miracle may happen and we will get something on the monitor but it was all quite there nothing coming. We all looked at each other, the doctor in charge said the verse from the Quran and the time of death was announced. He moved his hands to his eyes and tried to close them. He then moved to the family and patted the back of the patient's son and gave him support. They family burst into tears and despair.
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They brought the shock unit, one doctor took the plates while the other started rotating the knoobs of the unit, loudly saying charging to 150, ...... , charged,........, everyone moving their hand back, Clear and a shock went into the body of that old patient, and making a sharp cutting sound that seemed to tear my brain and i felt like i got the shock. And even after that we were getting only the Adrenaline effect on the screen. They again started CPR. The family was standing at the lower end of the bed, looking at us at one instance and then looking at the patient and the monitors in other. They all continued doing CPR, in taking turns one after another.
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I saw his eyes, which were in full desperation to save this man's life. And there i saw how much a good doctor feels connected to his patient and that he ll do anything to save his patient. He quickly moves his eyes back to the monitor. I also rolled up my sleeves and was standing ready on the bed side if in case my help was needed. The patient was pulse less, no oxygen saturation was showing on the monitor, and pupils were not reacting to light. His heart leads were picking some signals, but that seemed to be just an effect of the Adrenaline they gave him.
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The first thing i heard was an ICU nurse saying "Sir its a straight line"! The doctor in charge was standing beside the bed, he started to perform CPR, while the male nurse on other side of the bed connected Ambo bag with the oxygen pipe and started giving his oxygen. The doctor is pushing hard and hard doing the CPR, the sweat lines his forhead, dribbling on his face mask and he is almost out of breath. The doctor abc, moved forward and asked the doctor in charge to replace him for CPR, he gets back and Doctor abc starts CPR. The doctor in charge move his eyes and we both get an eye contact for brief moment, though the moment was very brief, but everything seemed to get slow down in that moment.
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It was a cold December night, and the light rain drops filled the air.The sweet smell of soil was refreshing every breath.We were approaching ICU, when three men passed rushing beside us, going into the ICU.All my ears could grasp was that Mr abc is not feeling well.We also increased our pace and reached the self closing door which was still open. Me and Doctor abc were already wearing the face masks, put protective covers on our shoes and went inside. Its the patient on Bed No. 3, an old white beard man in his late 70's. Its the patient i have met yesterday night, and though he was on a ventilator, he was feeling well, and told me that he has been recovered alot since he has been shifted to ICU.
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Pir kuch log wo thay jinki na tou aapki zindagi may aana aapko yaad raha or na unka bicharna.Wo bss aisay hi thay jaisay band mutti may moujood rait. Wo rait jo mutti kolnay par hawa say urr jaye or apnay peechay apni koi bi yaad chor kay na jaye. Bazahir tou unkay sath guzra wakt aapko asal or sach lagga laikin asal may wo mutti kay rait say sewa kuch bi nhi.Aisi hi yadoon or lamho ka naaam hay zindagi or issi milnay or bicharnay kay gird hum sab ghoom rahay hain.
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Zindagi kay iss safar may bht log aaye orr gayee.Kuch tou bazahir juda hogaye or yaadien ban gayee,laikin yaad may bi unka saath hamaisha raha.Zindagi ka zyada tar hissa inhii logo kay gird guzra.Unkay sath ki yaad hamaisha koi na koi ikhsaas dilata raha kbi khushi ka or kabi gham ka.Pir kuch log aisay thay jo kis mour pay juda howe orr kyun juda howe itna tou yaad may raha par uss say zyada na unki kisi yaad nay koi khushi dii or na kuch gham.Meray khayal may ye log bss aap ki zindagi kay garri ko kuch dair kay liye dakka dainay kay liye aaye or apna kaam hotay hi chal diye.Jaisay kisi ghari may na maloom musafir aapkay sath seat may baita ho or uski manzil puhunctay hi wo gaari say uttar jaye. *continued
Sometimes you let go people from your life. Not that you are fed up from them, or they are toxic to you in any way but you just let them go apart. May be they would try to come back in your life but your demons wont let them get inside again. You would regret those decisions in some instances but you they wont be of any importance at sometimes. You dont want to isolate from people but you dont want them around too because its just something seemingly wrong with you that wont let you to be you. Some times your heart will get surrounded by the deepest sorrows of any kind without any reason and you wont be able to call someone for help because you let then go away. You never wanted this but you did this and thats how it gonna roll the way.
There come certain instances when you find yourself falling short of understanding. You are unable to put certain things in their meant places because you don't know where they belong. Whether they are your regrets or reliefs, whether they were just some silly things or really meant something. Whether all those things were a part of big joke or they meant to be phenomenal in their own way. Whether the happiness was utmost goal of it or it was meant be painful in order to be the best. I dont think you would ever be able to draw a line that will make justice to the things you have had. They ll always stay there, haunting you in your darkest moments.
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